


I count my gain in blood and pain

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: 1bitHeart (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Physical Abuse, Projecting onto fictional characters 101, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Abuse, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 11:33:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11827884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: There’s nothing you can do to meI wouldn’t do to myself





	I count my gain in blood and pain

**Author's Note:**

> For context to the first part, saaya says "ashite", which means something similar to "love me forever" and variations. Basically, it's not something to be said lightly. When she says that, she means she wants you to dedicate your life to her. You've only just met.

The first time he meets her, he doesn't think much of it. She is just another person to befriend, when he walks up to her.

But then she asks him to love her.

It's an odd request, and out of habit nanashi almost says yes, but the way she says love is a bit too much. But he cannot say no to someone, even if the smile on their face is a little to eerie, or they ask him to love him completely despite having just meet, so he says later. She's kinda off, something not right, always mumbling about love, but he doesn't really mind. He decides to give her a chance, who is he to judge people?

So he spends some time with her, giving her a few trinkets he picked up, and she smiles at him. It's odd, for people to smile at him.

When she asks him to date her, he says yes.

He's here to serve, so why would he refuse?

He becomes nana-kun and she becomes saya.

 

She's angry. He can't talk to other people, she says, no cute girls, no cute boys.

She'll slit her wrists if he does.

 

He stops talking to people.

He doesn't want her to get hurt, he doesn't want anyone to get hurt, so he is quiet. He smiles, at her, and goes with what she says. She apologizes for what she said, and he thinks things might be better.

She want to know more about him, so they go to izuchi.

Next time he sees her, she says he's a god.

 

 

He has her ribbon, red, and he wonders what it means.

He goes to see her again.

He shouldn't have.

 

He laughs, lightly, as she pins him down, telling him to love her. He doesn't resist, but his wrists are still bruised.

He wants to puke, but he doesn't understand why.

 

He doesn't say no.

But he doesn't say yes.

 

Misane is worried. He doesn't talk as much, and his smile seems weaker. Even mikado is worried. Everything is on pause.

 

She ties his wrist in satin, her red ribbon she gave him, and all he does is smile.

 

She gets mad, sometimes. He doesn't mind, even with him cutting off most of his contacts, he still talks to misane. He promised he'd help her, and he can't go back on it.

She screams with tears in her eyes and hits him.

He's still smiling.

 

She says sorry the next day and he waves her off, saying it's ok.

It's not ok.

 

He's bruised, and they're worried. He flinched when they touch him, but laughs like there's no problem. They know there's a problem.

 

  
He laughs until he cries until he pukes on the bathroom floor.

He started crying, this time, when his hands were pinned, he said _wait, wait, stop, stop, I don't want this-_

It came out of his mouth without warning, he didn't even realize what he said, until she started crying, saying _you will love me, I love you, you'll love me._

She didn't stop.

 

  
His nails digs into his hair and he screams.

He can't breathe.

His hands are on his neck.

 

  
She kisses him and he kisses her, and he breaks.

 

  
He deserves it, he knows. The pain—he always has, and always will. If this makes the world better he'll do it. He'll do anything if someone asks.

But what bugs him is when she calls him a god, her lips on him, worshipping him.

Because

He's no god, and he never will be.

  
He wants the pain, bruises, threats. He knows he deserves it. He's always known that. He deserves what she does to him.

He is trash.

And so he stays with her.

**Author's Note:**

> https://youtu.be/50lT9NL1ozY


End file.
